The  Misconceptions Of Beauty


With so many dating shows, reality TV "of Love" shows, and now recently the "Tough Love" show on VH1, it seems that so many people in this country have some very bad misconceptions of romance, love, chemistry, and beauty. We have novels such as Twilight by Stephanie Meyer which basically says that "love = stalking, controlling spouses and a romance based on obsession rather then actual chemistry or affection." I'm not a parent, but if I were I'm sure that this is a message that I wouldn't want my children to take to heart. We also have that current drama between Chris Brown and Rihanna, where she basically shows the world that it's okay to stay with a man who beats the hell out of you.

Such messages corrupt and harm those who do not know any better. When I hear about a couple that goes through such hardships where the man is punching and biting his girlfriend, yet she humbly comes back to him because she loves him, this makes me wonder what goes through the minds of the young adults who hear this story? We've seen it before on shows like Jerry Springer and now the Steve Wilkos show, and for some people this is a very ugly reality and something that occurs every day in their own homes. But because it's on Jerry Springer, where the "white trash" of America go up on stage and make complete fools of themselves for the world to see, we only associate such behavior from the stupid and unattractive people we've seen on the program. We immediately look down on the act, and we shun those people for going back to ones who abuse them, and we think to ourselves "that couldn't possibly happen to someone with more than half a brain".

But now, because it's Chris Brown and Rihanna instead of the Springer guests, and because it's Edward Cullen and Bella Swan instead of the white trash, the message changes. What truly scares me is that this sort of behavior, this neglect, obsession, abuse, and harm is being pushed to the side (and in some cases, even glorified) because the people in question are nice to look at. Say what you will about their personalities and characteristics (or lack of), but Chris Brown, Rihanna, and Robert Pattinson are not bad to look at. We would describe them as attractive, hot, and sexy. So we ignore their wrongdoings because of their beauty and good looks, either forget or condone the violent acts. With this, we are basically telling the world and our children, "It's okay, because they're hot and they love each other."

At a very young age, children are brainwashed into believing fairy tale scenarios that only seem to work out between people who are beautiful. Small children grow up with the image in their minds that the beautiful people are without faults or flaws, and are the most deserving of happily-ever-afters. The Disney movies are a key player in this category.

Although I love the classics and most of the films up until Tarzan, Disney movies seem to give out the wrong message as well. With films such as Aladdin, it's nice that they show kids that you can be a wealthy princess and find love with someone outside of your wealth, and that love has no real basis when it comes to money (this is extremely debatable, however, and I can speak from experience). In the case of Beauty and the Beast, the story is built entirely on a woman falling in love with a hideous creature because of the man he is on the inside, as oppose to her falling in love with the handsome jock back home with the cold heart and massive ego. With such strong messages, one would imagine that these films present a good example for children of all ages.

The only problem with both movies?

Aladdin may be poor, but he's handsome. And he marries Jasmine, a beautiful princess.

And the Beast may have been a hideous monster, but when he transforms back into a man, he's a handsome prince. Who marries a girl who's name literally means "Beauty."

In the end, both films are enjoyable and wonders to behold, but they do bring out the wrong message: true love stems entirely from a beautiful appearance. This message is strongly reinforced in the film The Hunchback of Notre Dame with the relationship between Quasimodo and Esmeralda. The two have a beautiful friendship and there was definitely more chemistry between the two than there was between Esmeralda and Phoebus. However, it's the beautiful Esmeralda who chooses the handsome captain over the ugly, disfigured hunchback, despite the fact that the "couple" in question really didn't have much depth or development in their relationship at all.

Now don't cast stones at me: I loved this movie to death. The characters were wonderful, the villain was tremendous, the soundtrack was spectacular, and I do give the film some credit for not having the main male character fall for the main female. It definitely breaks away from the usual Disney tradition, and realistically speaking, the possibilities of a woman like Esmeralda falling in love with a hunchback are probably very slim. But the message is still there. In the scene where Esmeralda kisses Phoebus, Quasimodo's heart breaks and even says that "he'd never know that warm and loving glow" because of a face as hideous as his. Yet at the end of the movie, when the bad guy is killed and Phoebus saves Quasimodo from falling to his death, Quasimodo joins the couple's hands together and smiles at them.

One way you could look at this is that he's giving up Esmeralda so she can be happy with this "normal" man. Another way you can look at it is that "beautiful people belong together and the ugly guy on the side should be happy about it."

This same psychology is used in children's stories all the time: how many times have we heard tales about "beautiful princesses" or "handsome princes" and then the "ugly, evil witch?" However unconsciously, we are demonizing the people who are not particularly attractive while glorifying those who are. Children associate "ugly looks" with "evil" and "good looks" with "goodness," and this is potentially, if not greatly dangerous when it comes down to kidnappers and molesters. Not all kidnappers look like Frollo or the Wicked Witch. Most of them look like "normal" and kindly people that we do not expect to lash out in that way.

This message is displayed even strongly in today's media, but this time around the targeted audience are adolescents and young adults. Since we're already brainwashed since our toddler years to associate beautiful looks with happiness, the TV advertisements, reality shows, movies, television shows, the music industry, and most importantly the fashion industry do their damnedest to reinforce this theory. In shampoo advertisements, the women in the commercials are always tall, slim divas with a nice smile, gorgeous hair, and an ample bust size. They also usually wear low-cut shirts while the camera zooms in on them from the shoulders up, giving us the impression that these pretty ladies are naked.

Although millions of people and both genders use shampoo, you rarely ever see a plus-size girl in a shampoo commercial. She may have beautiful, spellbinding, shiny hair, but she doesn't get to be in the advertisements simply because of her size.

In the music industry, the girls in rap videos are also voluptuous women who may have more meat on their bones, but are relatively still viewed as having a model figure. The show Candy Girls was all about a woman who would associate herself only with the "pretty girls" and eventually got them jobs mostly based on their looks. I have a sister who majors in Fashion Merchandising, so she is able to go to fashion shows at least once a month. Almost all the women she sees on the runway or on television shows like America's Next Top Model are a size four and smaller, usually very tall, and probably have a long list of eating disorders (but of course, this medical condition is okay, because they're beautiful).

The girls who fit in a size 4 and smaller do not make up the majority of women. The fashion industry is many things, but appealing to a wide range of women of different sizes is certainly not one of them.

Keep in mind that when it comes to casting women for a fashion show, music video, or most television shows, you rarely ever see a woman who is older (mid-thirties to late forties), larger (a size six and up), or have some kind of disability or disfigurement. Host Cerrie Burnell on the BBC's children show CBeebies sparked all sorts of controversy and discrimination simply because the parents of the children who watched the show were uncomfortable with the host who was born with one arm. There were no complaints on her acting or on the influence she had on children, they were more concerned that she didn't have an arm than they were about anything else. They went so far as to say that "she was not suitable to appear on the digital children's channel."

When we live in a world that is so shallow and dependent on what is deemed "normal" and "beautiful" that we are willing to fire a television host simply because she does not have an arm, you know that there is a problem at hand.

It is not only a broken record, but most of the time very hypocritical to say that "looks don't matter" and "it's what's inside that counts," but honestly I wholeheartedly believe that. When you really get down to the logical aspect of this argument, looks are temporary anyways. That hot guy you pick up in high school will not look quite the same when he's thirty years older, especially if he parties hard in his school years. That pretty girl may look smoking in that bikini when she's 18 but will she look that great when she's 50?

For the high classed/rich demographic, plastic surgery and spa treatments may help you with your aging process, yet how many people in the middle and lower class can afford such things? Many of us are lucky (especially in this economy) if we're able to make enough money to keep our homes or fill our refrigerators. Getting a liposuction, tummy tuck, or acupuncture once every two weeks is really a trivial matter that we can't bother ourselves with.

I'm not saying that women and men should not put time and effort into making themselves look good. When you wear something that you look good in, you'll feel good. When you feel good about yourself, you gain confidence. And when you look presentable, you'll look approachable. What I am saying, however, is that making your exterior as beautiful as possible and staying attracted only to the people who "look good," is not all that it's cracked up to be. I'm also saying that pardoning the sins of those who are easy on the eyes when you would have condemned anyone outside of that statistic for the same crime is ridiculous, unfair, and sends a harmful message.

Life isn't a fairy tale. It's time for a reality check.

Beauty varies from country to country and I cannot speak for the world in this subjective matter. What I can state is my own personal opinion on beauty, and a perfect example would be the title character of Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre. Although the description, detail, and effort that was put into this book is remarkably beautiful, Bronte's character breaks away from the glammed-up literature goddesses by making her heroine a very modest and very real creature.

In the book and in films, Jane is described as a very plain young woman who is not particularly "pretty," but what she lacks in appearance, she makes up for with kindness, intelligence, strong will, and talent. She lived a hard life, with the death of both of her parents, the neglect of her aunt, and the cruelty she endured by her aunt and cousins and then later by the teachers at the Lowood School for Girls. She may not have been as pretty or as happy as other girls, but she was blessed with intelligence and an education. She survived those hard years at that school as a student, then later as a teacher, and then took it upon herself to advertise and find a business as a governess then later a wife of Mr. Rochester. Because she endured such hardships, she was very kind and patient children, and was a talented "self-taught" artist. She could paint, draw, and play the piano, and passed on her talents to her pupil and future daughter, Adele.

I do not shun beautiful and attractive girls. That would go against my entire argument about passing judgment on a person's exterior. However, I can safely say that if I were a man, I would prefer the Plain Jane with talent, spirit, endurance, and a good personality over a girl who only had her beauty to offer. And it is truly sad when there are people out there with such beautiful minds who are turned down or rejected simply because of what they lack on the surface. It is a horrible message to send out to the world when you would throw away a good person for the sake of someone who was just pretty.

Unfortunately, we do not live in a perfect world. Like I said before, life is not a fairy tale, and it would be unwise to dwell in one of my own making. I could rant and rave all I like, but I know that the world will not change overnight. But one can still dream and hope.

And what I wish is for the media and the world of literature would follow in the example of Charlotte Bronte's character. Supermodels and movie stars may be nice to look at, but I believe that people hold those whom they can relate to much closer to their hearts. This would mean diversity when it came to Hollywood, the runway, and other silver-screen productions. Add the plus-sized girls onto the runway, wearing clothes that will appeal to the women their size who couldn't possibly fit in what those Size 4 girls are wearing. Create more television shows about older women who face "grown up" issues rather then making more television programs like Gossip Girl. And instead of trying to push away the people of difference race, or people with disabilities or disfigurations, give them the spotlight just as much as you would give someone without such flaws. We shouldn't have to see a person with a defect on television only when there's a public service announcement being made. We shouldn't only have to see Native American characters when there's a movie about the Wild West being made (they still exist today, try doing a special on their lives in the present for a change).  And most importantly, we shouldn't be so disturbed when we see a woman with one arm on a children's program that we feel the need to end her career simply because "it's not normal."

These are real people. They live in the same world as we do. They should not have to face such neglect, especially in something as trivial as temporary "good looks."

Keep in mind that this is not a rant on women's rights, feminism, or anything of the sort. Although I've mentioned mostly women up until this point, men suffer from similar situations just as much as women do, or perhaps more so. I'm not a man, so I cannot speak for a man's experiences as easily as I can for a woman. If men happen to read this by editorial, feel free to comment on it with your stories and experiences.